To the college freshman parent wondering, "Did I do enough?"

Originally publsihed September 9, 2026 in the University of San Diego Torero Family and Parent Newsletter

I am not a crier. But the summer before our daughter went to college I cried constantly and without warning, in the car, doing dishes, grocery shopping, you name it.

The normal rhythms of our household were out of whack. The chemistry of our family felt strange. It didn't help that my sweet angel had turned into an impatient, crabby stranger, soiling the nest every chance she got.

Things were changing, and we could all feel it.

As our daughter prepared to move 3,000 miles away, I felt a huge sense of dread, worried that we had failed to prepare her for what was coming next. The day we dropped her off and drove away from campus, it felt like we were throwing her into the deep end of a pool.

And then something remarkable happened.

She swam.

Not perfectly. There were homesick days. Roommate challenges. Stressful classes. Loneliness. Moments when she called me upset and every instinct in my body screamed, “Fix it.” But I couldn't.

So, I listened. I reminded her that hard didn't mean wrong. And I repeated the advice we'd talked about before she left: Be yourself. Say yes. Ask for help. Give it time. And when she gave it time, something wonderful happened.

Others stepped in to help when I couldn't.

When she injured her hand with sharp scissors, her roommate swooped in to bandage her up. When she called me from bed, sick and lonely, her new friends showed up to take care of her, bringing her dinner and medicine. And when she struggled with her schedule and felt overwhelmed, her advisor supported her and helped her navigate the process.

Slowly, but surely, she was building her USD family.

The secret no one tells us is that much of what we've taught our children doesn't reveal itself until they need it.

Just as importantly, she was discovering her own independence and doing things we never could have imagined.

One day, a picture appeared on my phone from a hike in La Jolla. She had signed up for an excursion by herself. Her friends couldn't go and “it sounded like fun.” My shy, decidedly non-athletic kid had voluntarily gone hiking with a group of strangers.

My mind was blown.

The anxiety that had once held her back was still there, but she was learning to push through it, and her world was getting bigger. Her confidence was growing, empowering her to try new things and embrace her adventurous spirit.

The freshman I worried couldn't handle living across the country just traveled by herself to Italy for a study abroad program, knowing no one. When I worried about the logistics, she simply told me, “I'll figure it out.”

And boy, did she, navigating planes, trains and unfamiliar cities, making new friends, climbing an active volcano, exploring Pompeii and coming home more confident and inspired than ever.

Who was this person?

She was the freshman who joined clubs. Who introduced herself to people even when it was uncomfortable. Who said “yes” to an invite for ice cream, a beach day, dinner or something new, even when anxiety told her to say no.

And somewhere in all of those uncomfortable little “yeses,” she found her people and her footing at USD. Today, as an incoming junior, she's double majoring in biology and anthropology, getting ready to move into an apartment with five wonderful friends, and exploring more study abroad options.

So, to the worried freshman parents reading this: they are more ready than you think.

The secret no one tells us is that much of what we've taught our children doesn't reveal itself until they need it.

At home they still can't remember to empty the dishwasher or put gas in the car. But over this first year, you'll start to see that everything you thought wasn't sinking in actually was. All the values, experiences, mistakes, conversations, boundaries, and little moments that made up their childhood, it's all in there, tucked away and ready to surface when they need it.

And then, one day they'll reach for it. They will figure things out. They will handle things you were convinced they couldn't handle without you.

And it will absolutely blow your mind.

So have faith in yourself, in your student, and the university. Whether your child dove into the deep end, cautiously slipped in, or required a little push, they will be okay.

They may struggle. They may surprise you. And they may just show you that they were far more ready than you ever imagined.

You taught them how to swim.